Getting better and yet still behind

I got sick this past Monday night with a sort of head cold. I was all clogged up and dripping all over the place, Tuesday was a bad day. I got no work done and then went to class but all I wanted to do was to close my eyes and fall off my chair. But it seems I'm getting better at dealing with this annual appearance of sickness around this time of year.

Two years ago, it was worse. I had a very sore and burning throat with a fever and I had to go to this meeting in 90 degree weather(it was October o.O I know). When I got back to my baking car and got in, the heat was almost too much.

The year after that I decided to brave the waiting room at the hospital. I had to have been waiting for almost three hours for just a shot of penicillin in my upper thigh(not my ass ok!). After that things got better.

This time around I've learned of Zicam, this homeopathic remedy that works very well on me and my colds. I am currently past the worst of it, it lasting only one day. I still feel a bit stopped up, but not as bad and no pain or fever. Also I've found that a nasal wash is a good thing to clean out stuff in your nose. Its weird to push water up one nostril and have it come out the other one.

In other news, I think I've gotten a better understanding of our math project so no longer really worrying about not being able to finish it on time for the APS conference. As you can see to your lower right, there is my events calender, cool huh? But now I need to get back to work and finish my lab report before I forget and my classical and modern physics work, *Sigh*

This is your brain

This is your brain on drugs. haha Anyone remember that public announcement commercial? Anyways I'm here at the CS lab doing my stint at the lab monitor and my group and I did some work on our group math project. That's where the the title comes from, because now my brain feels fried and my eyes want to close. We are trying to solve some steady-state problem in our Differential Equations book.

Last night was fun though. I went bowling with some of the other physics students, found that I still know how to bowl. haha got two strikes in a row on my first try. After that we decided to go to dinner and we had some laughs there. Turns out that I'm a mean person and that I just can't help it haha. Another thing I learned is to keep my comments about Hugo to myself since our president is from Venezuela, luckly it wasn't the hard way.

Hugo

I saw Hugo Chavez at the UN General Assembly this morning on CNN, and wow, I got a kick out of it. Its the way he talks that I find enjoyable and I do understand his views. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of my home, but I feel we could do better. We should move towards cooperation not domination. Ever since I've become deadly aware of the current situation of the world, I've known its our fault. Our will to power is pointed in the wrong direction. We play so many games on so many fronts with only one goal in mind, to bring them under our dominate control so that they do us no harm. By harm I mean no harm to our economic and political power base.

Though like in the movie, the more we squeeze, the more they slip through our fingers. Its just interesting and depressing at how we seem unable to realize this relationship. For far to long the answer has been throw more bombs, troops, and money on the situation to bring it our way. What we are now experienced is the backlash from our actions. Instead of bringing them under our domination, they are moving out from under it, and in the only way they see how.

Anyways besides the philosophy on the current situation, its interesting to note how the media is running the story of Hugo Chavez and his speech to the UN.
CNN:"Chavez calls Bush 'devil' in U.N. speech"
MSNBC:" Venezuela's Chavez: Bush the 'devil'"
Fox News:"Chavez Says U.S. Empire Will Soon Fall, Calls Bush 'Devil'"

Interesting, I would have thought the Fox News headline to be more severe, but its still easy to see how they are running the story. I would have called what he said to be a joke, which people did laugh at, but seems we are spinning it the other way. Typical.

Anyways, signing off this political post, good luck you guys.

Gravity

Classical Mechanics has been kicking my ass recently, though I am getting a better hold on it. Modern Physics is really easy, don't know why, it just is. Though Differential Equations II is moving a bit fast, but I think I'm getting the hang of it.

Back to classical, we were going over Newton's law of gravitation and our professor showed how Gauss's theorem for static charges works for gravity also. Interesting hmm? Even so, one of the problems assigned to me, well I just can't get my head around it. Maybe he will go over it, since the other problems were easy. haha Well they were easy once I knew what the hell I was doing.

In other news, I'm heading for the APS meeting in Arlington, TX in October. It will be my first time there, so it should be fun. haha I'm such a geek.

Oh yea, I just got access to Yahoo!Mail beta, wow very slick and nice. But I like the clean look of Gmail also.

Progress

Right now I'm here at the CS main lab as the lab monitor. Its always borning, but then its Sunday and no one is ever here. Anyways my back is getting better, the Aleve my dad got me works well, though I'm done with the pain just yet. Streching has gotten easier and I am able to sit down and work on my homework.
I missed turnning in a lab, but as it turns out I wasn't even able to do it. Our data is all over the place and it gives us some wacked answers, so I'm trashing the whole thing. Hopefully things will work out better on this other lab, the photoelectric effect(e/m). I did have to do it by myself, since my idiot lab partners didn't show up. But at least doing it myself, I knew what to do and to do it to the best. Though only the results will tell.
I still have to catch up on my Differentials homework and review some materal for the class and in classical mechanics. This is going to be a busy time, which I already knew.
Well wish me luck, and please someone!!! comment or something sheesh! Oh well

Fleeting

I'm in quite a bit of pain. I'm a bit scared, but I think I know what it is. A slipped, or ruptured disk in my lower spine. Its affecting how I walk, because now it hurts to walk, and when I stand, my left foot starts too feel a bit numb. Ibuprofen and cream for sore muscles doesn't work and the numb foot thing is pointing me to that conclusion. The nerve for my foot is being affected. It feels like a cord attached to my heal, runs up my leg and tied to my lower left back. When I stretch out my heal, like when walking you land on your heal and roll your foot forward to your toes, I feel no pain but a still bothersome sensation, like the cord is too short to let my leg stretch fully.

As for being scared, well its not from whats happening, but what will happen. When I tell my parents, I'm just not sure how they will react. I don't know what else to do. I just feel nervous about telling them. Its weird I know. It reminds me back when I was a kid, and had to tell my dad how I didn't do some school project. Of course they help me, but I would feel bad about it. *Sigh*

technorati tags:Personal, Pain, Scared.

Emotional Response

I'm not sure what it is about stories like that one, but they just invoke such a strong emotional response in me. I get the urge to cry, well more then that. I've cried very hard over them. I was watching Eureka, a show on SciFi, and it was about this guy who turned out to be an android, he was an A.I. By the way I think of A.I as a derogatory term. Anyways it just got me feeling sad. Its a private dream of mine, to bring a being to life.

I guess it sounds weird, but its true. Sure I could just have a baby, but I don't know, there is just something about it. I called her Jen, she is a wonder woman. Very strong and yet loving, and also just a dream. I created her some time ago, as a companion on my wild adventures through space. I hope to one day meet her.

technorati tags:Personal, Dream.

Power

I feel I've lost mine. That the light I once had is now gone from me, and I will forever rot in this prison. Like a pinball, I'm hit from all sides. This way, that way, I'm falling out of control with only those two metal arms to push me back into the game. I fear I have lost my freedom, my liberty.

I have no voice with which to change my world. I have no power to enact change. I have become a victim, and I do not know what to do. My focus has been pulled so very thin, that I fear my life has no direction, no meaning. But that does not mean I am willing to lay down, to end it all. I fear that I will forget this in the morning. Not in the way one forgets a dream, but that the motivation, the power behind the act disappears and leaves only regret. The regret that it wasn't done, that the time has come and gone.

I am fearful. I am powerless.
How does someone come back from that?
Does anyone read this?
Does anyone love me?
Will you help me?
Will you be my friend?

Will I regain my light?

technorati tags:Personal, Life, Thoughts, Fear.