Uppers and Downers

Yesterday I went with some people to go paintballing and had quite an experience. Our president gets some tickets, but turns out its a scam. Pay $15 for a ticket, but the place then wanted $25 for paint, so we just paid $20 for the rental plus paint. Crazy, but its not over yet. We had two professors come over, on from math and other from physics, and before we started our first game, one of them had moved their mask a bit and got caught. He was given a warning, I thought, but after that one game, the boss lady pulled our group over and told us that both of the professors were done for the day from removing their masks. It was a bunch of bullshit so we left.

We then headed to a local Chili's for some food and had a great time. Lots of laughing, throwing food and pulling knives, and all surprising with no alcohol in any of us, except for our math professor. Even after all that, once I got home, I couldn't help but to still ask, are any of these people really my friends? Can I count on any of them? I sometimes think I might have depression, but then wouldn't I always be like that? I was thinking about not even going, but deiced to go anyways since I knew I'd have more fun the laying around the house pretending to do my differential work, which I am doing right now.

I'm still left feeling alone at the end of the day. I'm figuring out that its not so much of having friends as it is as having someone to love. Yes turns out I'm still a romantic after all this time. I still want to find that someone, and I guess until then I'm going to be alone. Its just disheartening that until then, I'm the lone traveler.